that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
