you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
