Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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