I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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