dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
