she looked like the before picture.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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