He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
