omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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