so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
