I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
