Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
did i just pee glitter
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
