Yo dont text me then not text me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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