There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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