i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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