He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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