I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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