Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
