Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
