evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
