I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
