you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
