would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
