If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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