My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
