I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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