What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize