Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
