You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
