im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
