You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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