I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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