i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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