Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am one with the molecules
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
