Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
