i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
