im drinking this country out of the recession.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
