Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
