Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
