____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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