Why does Corona taste like a burp?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i need some magic done to my vagina
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
