Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
