i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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