So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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