"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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