They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
