I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize