Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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