you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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