Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize