I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need to calm my uterus...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
