she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
