Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
