I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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