y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
