I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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