i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
