I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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