just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
