I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
