last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
