Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
