im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
