Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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