plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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