I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
