you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
worst night to have a conscience
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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