I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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