i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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