I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
