i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
